The title is based on a true story. Well, sort-of. Serena injured herself skiing in Montana this past week. She was going a bit too fast and launched off of of catwalk she wasn't expecting. According to her, she landed the jump and went to carve to curb some of her speed when her knee suddenly popped. This happened on Tuesday I believe. Understandably she wanted to come home early so she flew back this past Friday, March 15, 2024. She asked me to meet her at the airport. She was on the same flight as her friend's boyfriend, Henry. He very graciously escorted her from Montana back to Newark. I am still not exactly sure what practical function I served seeing as she had someone helping her out already. I am her boyfriend and sometimes you must do these sorts of things. There is not much in this world that makes total sense. And girlfriends often make very little. But I as I have said before I love Serena very much and love is work.
All of us take things for granted. This is not necessarily a bad thing. If we were fully appreciative of everything all-of-the-time we wouldn't really have any incentive to try and do things better or improve our situations. Most of us have been gifted relatively functional bodies with joints that bend and track, bones that reinforce and scaffold, and muscles that push and pull. The majority of us will at some point in our lives undergo some sort of physical trauma that leaves us temporarily disabled: you're driving your 2019 Mercedes C-class when suddenly the 1999 Jeep Grand Cherokee that was driving erratically in front of you veers a little too hard to the left sending it tumbling end-over-end. You swerve to dodge the dense tumult but end up driving directly into a 150-year old tree. The front console collapses towards you and pushes your tibia backwards while your femur remains in place. Your posteocollateral ligament snaps under the force. You are mostly in tact but your knee begins to fill up with what you can only imagine is a purplish sort of mixture of blood, water, minerals, and lymphocytes. You are thankful you're not dead and will ultimately be fine but as you get out of the car you struggle to walk. The initial shock recedes. The tree you hit stands, as it always has, straight-and-tall. You, in stark contrast, are collapsed on the floor clutching your leg wandering when you will be able to walk again.
I got bilateral hip surgery this past summer. Both of my hips had impingements. And the excess bone on the balls of my femurs slowly tore the labrums in my hip sockets over years of skating and walking. So around Christmas time 2022 my hips started to hurt. It was a dull sort of pain but relentless. I stopped being able to skateboard. Attempted yoga and routine physical therapy. Went to a couple of doctors who suspected what was wrong but didn't have a clear path forward. Eventually, I went to a hip preservationist who indicated that both of my hips likely have labral tears and that I would need MRIs on both hips to confirm. He then explained that once confirmed we could schedule bilateral hip surgery, meaning they would fix both at the same time.
I think that most of us deal with stuff like this. Stuff that reminds you that you are uncomfortably married to your body. I got the surgery last June. On both hips at the same time like I said. When I was rolled into the surgical room I hadn't yet been put under. There were probably 6-7 people all milling about. I believe they were playing a Marvin Gaye song on the radio. In this moment I was sent into a dull panic. Not the kind where you freak out but the kind where your forced to reckon with something that rattles your foundational beliefs. This is not meant to be a sob story or anythng of that sort. In the scale of all scary things surgery is not all that bad. But the experience does offer some serious insights into who you are so I thought it was worth talking about.
Anyways...The surgery was successful. As I came out from under the anesthesia the anesthesiologist pulled the catheter out my... It wasn't painful, just strange. The drugs were still slightly in effect. I was extremely dazed. It feels like a lot of the movie portrayals of it where the lights are flashing and the sounds are subdued. I remember the context of my surroundings taking a while to load back into my brain. Like when you wake up from sleeping after a bad day and remember your bad day except way more prolonged. Twilight state is a good way to put it. Its not unpleasant per-se. Just confusing in a neutral sort-of way.
I got surgery on my knee 6ish years ago so I wasn't unfamiliar with the experience. The Physical rehabilitation process is actually pretty satisfying. You have to problem-solve with a slow feedback loop: Oh your having hip flexor problems? Well then maybe your glutes aren't activating properly. So you start off with seated hip thrusts to teach yourself how to really fire your glutes again because for some reason the surgery made you forget them. You need to be strategic as well. Like realistically you can't spend all day rehabbing because a ) you have other obligations, and b ) you don't actually want to do that. So you have to figure out an efficient enough rehab routine where you won't mind doing it.
It takes work. But all good things take work. I'm now about 9 months out of surgery though. I'm back to skating but my ankles are weak and my hips still feel uncomfortable (though structurally sound). I feel better and sometimes you regress but you figure it out.
Serena will also figure it out. She's smart and capable. She got the MRI results back and her ACL isn't torn but she does have a pretty significant tibial plateau fracture so she needs to stay off of it for 8-10 weeks as much as possible. Her ACL isn't torn though which is good news in my opinion because then she doesn't need surgery and it'll heal on its own. She's been very tough about it: not complaining a ton or still taking care of herself and fulfilling social and professional obligations. She makes do which is one of the things I love about her. Although the doctor said for her to stay off her leg as much as possible so now she knows she needs to take it a bit easier.
Perhaps I was meant to take this trip through New Jersey to Newark on a Friday afternoon because I would be fully present for the experience. And that somehow there were answers to be found in the New Jersey swamp land. Proof of the resilience of all living things including us humans. Its a fun exercise to try to make sense of pointless ass crap. I guess in a way that is what our brains do. They render what is effectively chaos in a coherent enough way that we can continue to perpetuate ourselves
A quick google search yields a site that says that New Jersey's wetlands: "tremendous richness and wildlife diversity to the Garden State". While I was driving through New Jersey I felt like I was bearing witness to nature fending off the formidable foe of industrialization. All of that sulfur dioxide, all of those volatile organic solvents and particulate materials somehow aren't enough to fully trounce the New Jersey wetlands. They manage in spite of it all to still exist and fight back and adapt. I bet you if you actually closely examined the ecosystem you would be horrified at the damage that's been done. I wouldn't be surprised if it was fairly simple (like rats, pigeons, squirrels, and raccoons in the city. RIP Central Park Owl : (.... ),
I finish this blog two weeks after I started it. I wrote up until the car-crash part. My youngest brother got appendicitis this past Thursday 3/28 (its Sunday 3/31) and had to get an appendectomy. It is late and I need to relax before I sleep so I won't go too much into it. He is fine but it was an ordeal. Perhaps a story for another time. His name is Scott and I love him and am happy that he is okay. We are all at my mom's house (without my mom, she is away). He was in the hospital until today so he spent effectively three nights there. He would've died if not for the surgery. Though I am suspicious that modern life is causing modern problems that need modern solutions. I am thankful to the surgeon regardless. His boyfriend Kirk did a great job taking care of Scotty. He spent all-day, everyday at the hospital with him for all three days. Has been patient and attentive. He took very good care of Scotty so I am thankful for Kirk as well.
My younger brother Thomas also dislocated his shoulder surfing in Mexico and had to be rescued. My older brother Patrick had his eye slashed so severely a month-and-a-half ago while surfing that he wasn't sure if he was going to lose it or not. Now that I write these down it does seem pretty insane. Everyone is fine though. Everyone bounced back. Humans are vulnerable but strong.
As for the trip to Newark. It ended up being fine. Perhaps pointless like I mentioned in the beginning. But life is pointless and Serena wanted it. I love Serena. And you nurture your love through work a lot of the time. Even if it is sometimes pointless. Good things take work and time. Love is good. et cetera et cetera
Goodnight, Will
P.S. Email me: meampersandwill@gmail.com. Send me a cool photo of something gangsta. Like Jersey wetlands, etc.